Of Fear and Dreams

I almost gave up my dream yesterday.

Laugh not. Its true.

I told myself -- and a local photography studio -- that I was not sure whether I want to be pursuing my own photography business. This photographer and I were discussing whether it would be a conflict of interest for me to help him out with marketing for his studio. And I almost convinced myself that I would never really be a photographer, so I should just give up now.

I tried to tell myself that I would be content if I just settled for being around a photographer and helping someone else grow their business.

What?

Really?

Did I actually just say that???!?!?!

In one set of emails, I almost gave up the one thing I want more than anything else. I almost compromised my ideals, my philosophy of photography, and my love for people -- all because I am petrified that I will fail.

Yes, I'm scared. Terrified, in fact.

I can't do this.

Its too big.

I love taking pictures, but there's no way in the world that I will EVER be able to support myself doing this.

But [deep breath] ... I have to ask: Where's my dedication? My motivation? My passion for what I love? Am I really going to give up just because I had a lousy day and feel like a failure?

I told myself, and this photographer, that I didn't really care whether my photography is ever my livelihood. "My main passion is for photography -- developing my interest, honing my skills. The weddings and portraits I do are nice to help pay for the extra toys I like add to my photographic arsenal."

I wrote it, I sent it, and then I thought about it.

Its not true.

Yeah, I'm scared. But I'm not going to let that stop me. I might never be the next Jasmine Star or Becker, but I can be Jenni Marie. And, more than that: I can be the best Jenni Marie in the world.

I won't be helping this other photographer market his business. He made that decision before I had time to tell him to stop considering my marketing proposal.

Instead, I'm gonna be a photographer.
Me.
A photographer.
Its what I am.
I can't deny it.

I don't know where this will take me, but here I am.

I am Jenni Marie and I am going to be the best photographer possible. I am going to ignore the fear that keeps threatening to cripple me. I am going to stop worrying about what others think about me, my photography, my style, or my business.

I'm gonna take photos. And you can't stop me.

And someday ... somehow... my camera will be my sole livelihood.

Now you know. Mark it down. Its gonna happen.