Of Fear and Dreams

I almost gave up my dream yesterday.

Laugh not. Its true.

I told myself -- and a local photography studio -- that I was not sure whether I want to be pursuing my own photography business. This photographer and I were discussing whether it would be a conflict of interest for me to help him out with marketing for his studio. And I almost convinced myself that I would never really be a photographer, so I should just give up now.

I tried to tell myself that I would be content if I just settled for being around a photographer and helping someone else grow their business.

What?

Really?

Did I actually just say that???!?!?!

In one set of emails, I almost gave up the one thing I want more than anything else. I almost compromised my ideals, my philosophy of photography, and my love for people -- all because I am petrified that I will fail.

Yes, I'm scared. Terrified, in fact.

I can't do this.

Its too big.

I love taking pictures, but there's no way in the world that I will EVER be able to support myself doing this.

But [deep breath] ... I have to ask: Where's my dedication? My motivation? My passion for what I love? Am I really going to give up just because I had a lousy day and feel like a failure?

I told myself, and this photographer, that I didn't really care whether my photography is ever my livelihood. "My main passion is for photography -- developing my interest, honing my skills. The weddings and portraits I do are nice to help pay for the extra toys I like add to my photographic arsenal."

I wrote it, I sent it, and then I thought about it.

Its not true.

Yeah, I'm scared. But I'm not going to let that stop me. I might never be the next Jasmine Star or Becker, but I can be Jenni Marie. And, more than that: I can be the best Jenni Marie in the world.

I won't be helping this other photographer market his business. He made that decision before I had time to tell him to stop considering my marketing proposal.

Instead, I'm gonna be a photographer.
Me.
A photographer.
Its what I am.
I can't deny it.

I don't know where this will take me, but here I am.

I am Jenni Marie and I am going to be the best photographer possible. I am going to ignore the fear that keeps threatening to cripple me. I am going to stop worrying about what others think about me, my photography, my style, or my business.

I'm gonna take photos. And you can't stop me.

And someday ... somehow... my camera will be my sole livelihood.

Now you know. Mark it down. Its gonna happen.

CD v. Prints

Which would you rather have, after your pictures have been taken and you're looking at the results? Five 5 x 7 prints and two 8 x 10s and maybe a few 4 x 6 to stick in a book somewhere? Or a disk of all the images to share and print however you please, whether on Facebook or in a frame or on your desktop wallpaper?

As a photographer trying to sell my time and images, it raises very intense discussion and valid questions.

Do I want give my clients a disk of my work and let the images be used and enjoyed in a variety of ways, and therefore lose my control over how the finished product looks? (Yes, I know that you can use Photoshop Elements to edit my digital images. You know who you are. :-P)

Or do I want to limit use (no more last minute trips to *cough* Wal-Mart to get prints made for the Christmas card!), but maintain quality-of-image by only letting you buy prints through me and my approved vendors?

I have a theory on this. (Yes, another theory! Lots of theories! Told you so!)

Its an electronic age. There's Facebook. Blogs. Myspace. Not to mention the whole slew of photo printing companies online (check back in the coming week to read my review of photo printshops). You can send a picture message on your cell phone. Email pictures from here to Kalamazoo. Etc. Etc. Etc.

So, in this electronic age why wouldn't I give you a disk of all your images?

Yes, I am risking that you will print them at Walmart (*cough, cough* don't do it! *cough*). And I'm accepting that you might "enhance" my work in Elements or Picasa and thereby ruin the integrity of my image.

But I'm giving you the images. You paid me to take them. And now I will trust you to choose how to use them, when to print them, and how to share them.

This policy might have to eventually change. Not many photographers still do it this way (often, they make you pay an arm and a leg for the disk -- or don't offer the disk at all). But its technology, people!

I want you to be able to use your images.

(And, besides, getting a Christmas card using my pictures is my favorite. Using my work = happy Jennifer.)



(Self portrait in a store window in New York City.)

PhotoBooks

Once you get pictures taken, what happens next? Yeah, you print them (more on that later). But you need a way to display them. And a Wal-Mart flip book just doesn't cut it. :-P

Presenting...personalized photobooks, of a quality that Wal-Mart cannot rival. In fact, its impossible to be rivaled (in my opinion).

Firmly bound, sturdy pages (nothing flimsy here!), lays flat, and amazingly vibrant colors.








These things are gorgeous, even if I do say so myself. And I'm not just talking about the pictures used in the book -- I'm talking about a quality book that looks amazing and will last for many years to come. =)

The Beast: My New Computer

First it was all over my floor. A odd jumble of boxes, hardware, software packaging, and cords.



Then the pieces started coming out of the boxes. Scarily intricate pieces of equipment. Worth excessive amounts of money, yet so tiny.



Once all the pieces started getting put into the case, it was a scary series of moments where I wondered if I was justified in trusting him with building my precious machine.




And, now, I have too small of a desk for my massive monitor -- 24'' of beauty, yessirreebob -- and too much harddrive space (as if that's even possible?) and a completely functional and highly powerful machine ready to process pictures and keep me occupied for hours on end.

Ironic thing, though, is that I haven't even touched it yet.

I sit with the trusty ol' laptop while the brother plays with the new machine.

But, hey, he built it. I might as well let him tinker with it.

;-)

My Kind of Marathon

Some people run marathons. I shoot marathons.

Its the dawning of my last day of this whirlwind how-many-shoots-can-I-do-in-the-four-days-of-Thanksgiving.

And, so far, I'm surviving. :-)

(Please note the multiple cameras around my neck, the pile of coats and props that I end up commandeering, and the camera bag on my back. Its like preparing for war...)




In other news, I'm heading out the door in a few hours to shoot Brett and Brittany's wedding and, thanks to the modern technology of cell phone cameras, I got to see their rehearsal dinner cake, debuted last night.



Pretty sweet, huh??

That's my photo work!!

In case you're wondering, I think its SUPER cool and am now officially considering myself famous. I mean, if something I shot was actually eaten...how much more famous can you get??

:-P

Enough randomness. Seriously.

Christmas Picture: Update

Here is your fair notice: November photo shoots are almost thoroughly booked. In fact, I have a only a couple slots available Thanksgiving week, and that's pretty much it.

Ergo, BOOK.YOUR.SHOOT.NOW if you want to take advantage of the Christmas special. Its going...going...going...fast. Email Me.

(And, yes, prices will have to go up with the new year. Sowwy.)

Now that you've been duly warn, I give you one of my favorite pictures of my editing session this evening.

With the adults looking smugly on, the children are having a footrace (on my command, of course. duh. cuz they were cooperative like that.). But poor little Benjamin is a step behind and decided to look cute instead of compete in the race. And, um, he definitely wins the cute competition, don't you think?

All together now: "Awwww!"

Christmas Cards

I love Christmas. Absolutely adore it. The hot chocolate. The peppermint ice cream. The candlelit dinners. Slumber parties by the Christmas tree. Family evenings. Nativity scenes. The music. The snow. The Chi'mas lights (to quote my li'l sis when she was still the li'l sis.) Family trips to my grandparent's house for hiking, biking, and eating.

And, of course, I love getting Christmas cards.

I mean, who doesn't?

You got to the mailbox on a blustery, gray day. Maybe even fighting the rain or snow. Its been a dreary, long day. And its already dark. Its only 4:30 and already the sun is setting.

So there you are, on this gray day, walking to the mailbox. You open it up - maybe even fighting the frozen hinge a bit -- and staring back at you on the gloomy day is a pile of red and green and gold envelopes. Big envelopes. Bright envelopes. Happy envelopes. Inevitably, envelopes bearing the return address of a long lost relative, a childhood friend, a former teacher, a school buddy.

With that trip to the mailbox, the whole day gets brighter.

Back in the house, you sit down with a cup of hot chocolate and settle in to read the cards and see how your long lost friends are surviving.

The front of the card is pretty. Maybe an idyllic snow scene. Or a glittery nativity scene. Or a forest with a cute little bird flitting among the branches.

You open the card.

"Merry Christmas. Love, the Smiths."

Um....WHAT?!?! No letter? No update on life? No picture?!?!

Suddenly, the day is depressing all over again.

That, my friends, is my Christmas pet peeve. I don't understand why someone would spend a couple dollars on a card, forty-four cents on postage, and the effort to write my name on an envelope...and then leave me with a huge letdown with no personalized touch. (Unless, of course, you call the handwritten name a personalized touch. I don't.)

Ergo, I have an offer.

(No, I'm not going to write your Christmas letter for you. Sorrrrry. Not that generous!)

I will take your picture. You will get a CD of the images with the full rights to print the pictures off for your friends and relatives. Your friends and relatives will love you forever when you don't leave them with an impersonal Christmas card.




And, besides, just think: if you get Christmas pictures taken, I won't be peeved by you, nor depressed by your Christmas card!

fine print: pricing good through December 25, 2009 for up to six family members. subject to photographer's schedule availability.

Its Tuesday. Celebrate.

It was a routine walk to the mailbox. I expected only a bill or two. Or (if I was lucky) an empty box. Instead, though, wedged in the mailbox was an almost-too-big-to-fit box. Oh yeah. You KNOW I knew what it was! :-)

My new business cards!!

:-P

Another step in my journey toward becoming a real photographer now complete. So what if it means absolutely nothing and so what if I shouldn't be so excited over a little stack of pink and black rectangles of cardstock. But. I. Am. So there. The business cards do not make the photographer, but these business cards sure do make the photographer happy. :-D

Oh! And I have no joined the ranks of photographers with a queue of pictures waiting to be blogged. Sheesh. Its so complicated to be a photographer. Don't get me wrong. I ain't complaining. Nosireebob. I enjoy having a bazillion pictures waiting for me to look at and hundreds of pictures waiting to be sorted and many many many pictures waiting to be blogged.

You'll have to be patient, though, and wait to see the goodness that's coming. Or... maybe I'm just biased. It might be awful. Don't get your hopes up. ;-)

In the meantime, though, Fall feels like a cozy fireplace, glowing sunsets and yellow leaves, hot tea, candlelight, pumpkin soup and herb bread, warm scarves, and new shoes. And, in my universe, it looks something like a historic porch at dusk.