Of Fear and Dreams

I almost gave up my dream yesterday.

Laugh not. Its true.

I told myself -- and a local photography studio -- that I was not sure whether I want to be pursuing my own photography business. This photographer and I were discussing whether it would be a conflict of interest for me to help him out with marketing for his studio. And I almost convinced myself that I would never really be a photographer, so I should just give up now.

I tried to tell myself that I would be content if I just settled for being around a photographer and helping someone else grow their business.

What?

Really?

Did I actually just say that???!?!?!

In one set of emails, I almost gave up the one thing I want more than anything else. I almost compromised my ideals, my philosophy of photography, and my love for people -- all because I am petrified that I will fail.

Yes, I'm scared. Terrified, in fact.

I can't do this.

Its too big.

I love taking pictures, but there's no way in the world that I will EVER be able to support myself doing this.

But [deep breath] ... I have to ask: Where's my dedication? My motivation? My passion for what I love? Am I really going to give up just because I had a lousy day and feel like a failure?

I told myself, and this photographer, that I didn't really care whether my photography is ever my livelihood. "My main passion is for photography -- developing my interest, honing my skills. The weddings and portraits I do are nice to help pay for the extra toys I like add to my photographic arsenal."

I wrote it, I sent it, and then I thought about it.

Its not true.

Yeah, I'm scared. But I'm not going to let that stop me. I might never be the next Jasmine Star or Becker, but I can be Jenni Marie. And, more than that: I can be the best Jenni Marie in the world.

I won't be helping this other photographer market his business. He made that decision before I had time to tell him to stop considering my marketing proposal.

Instead, I'm gonna be a photographer.
Me.
A photographer.
Its what I am.
I can't deny it.

I don't know where this will take me, but here I am.

I am Jenni Marie and I am going to be the best photographer possible. I am going to ignore the fear that keeps threatening to cripple me. I am going to stop worrying about what others think about me, my photography, my style, or my business.

I'm gonna take photos. And you can't stop me.

And someday ... somehow... my camera will be my sole livelihood.

Now you know. Mark it down. Its gonna happen.

Capturing

I see things differently when I'm looking through my camera.

My perspective on life isn't just limited because I'm peering through a little hole in the back of my camera. Although, there definitely is that factor as well.

Instead, I capture the moments and then I relive them. And, when you're shooting 600 pictures in an hour, you capture idiosyncracies, interactions, and attitudes in a way that you just don't recognize when seeing them live-action. Add to that the fact that I have to then go through those 600 images and analyze for facial expression, lighting, posture, exposure, composition, and personality (etc, etc, etc) before selecting the best images.

I see the same scene over and over and over again. Suddenly, I feel like I know my subject. After interacting in person and then reliving those moments over and over again, you catch the little details.

The way Dad adores his son and can't take his eyes off him. Or the sass big sister gives to her little brothers (no matter how many years they've had to antagonize each other). The love that pours from a wife toward her husband, no matter how many years they've been married. The love that shows just in the way he looks at him. I capture the goofiness in brothers - both old and young.

Yes, its beautiful.

Christmas Picture: Update

Here is your fair notice: November photo shoots are almost thoroughly booked. In fact, I have a only a couple slots available Thanksgiving week, and that's pretty much it.

Ergo, BOOK.YOUR.SHOOT.NOW if you want to take advantage of the Christmas special. Its going...going...going...fast. Email Me.

(And, yes, prices will have to go up with the new year. Sowwy.)

Now that you've been duly warn, I give you one of my favorite pictures of my editing session this evening.

With the adults looking smugly on, the children are having a footrace (on my command, of course. duh. cuz they were cooperative like that.). But poor little Benjamin is a step behind and decided to look cute instead of compete in the race. And, um, he definitely wins the cute competition, don't you think?

All together now: "Awwww!"

Red Silhouette (What's a good photograph?)

I have a theory on almost all of life. My theories are not always matheatically sound. They aren't always inspired. They don't always hold water. But they are, nonetheless, theories.

In this case, though, my theory is based on experience, research, and common sense.

My theory on good photography.

Good photography is:
half learned skill
half inbred talent

half composition
half proper equipment
half chance
half lighting
half technical knowledge

half persistence

In order to take a good picture, you have to know your camera, know your subject, be at the right place at the right time, be able to tell your camera what to do, see the image you want to create, and then click the button to create it.

And THAT is how a good photograph is taken.

In the case of this picture, I saw a random red floodlight. My camera was in hand and a model by my side. I knew - in my head - what I wanted it to do. I told the camera how I wanted it to act. I pressed the button. I took the picture.

No photoshop. No post-processing. No extensive studio setup. Just a camera, an opportunity, and a photographer.

Lips

Before you try to figure out what this picture is trying to say (besides "buy red lipstick!"), and before you try to interpret its symbolization of life and truth, just stop.

There is no deep meaning.

I wanted to photograph lips, so I did. I handed Joanna (the ever-dutiful model that she is) a tube of the reddest lip gloss I could find and demanded she put it on. She hammed it up. Posing, she applied the gloss. With attitude, she dramatized as I clicked the shutter. And then - finally - she cooperated with what I wanted her to do.




And, while we're on the subject of lip gloss, I might as well pay homage to my favorite politician.

"I love those hockey moms. You know what they say the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull is? Lipstick." - Sarah Palin

By the way: if you have any interpretation on the picture, there's this great blog feature called comments; you should leave me a comment!

Its Tuesday. Celebrate.

It was a routine walk to the mailbox. I expected only a bill or two. Or (if I was lucky) an empty box. Instead, though, wedged in the mailbox was an almost-too-big-to-fit box. Oh yeah. You KNOW I knew what it was! :-)

My new business cards!!

:-P

Another step in my journey toward becoming a real photographer now complete. So what if it means absolutely nothing and so what if I shouldn't be so excited over a little stack of pink and black rectangles of cardstock. But. I. Am. So there. The business cards do not make the photographer, but these business cards sure do make the photographer happy. :-D

Oh! And I have no joined the ranks of photographers with a queue of pictures waiting to be blogged. Sheesh. Its so complicated to be a photographer. Don't get me wrong. I ain't complaining. Nosireebob. I enjoy having a bazillion pictures waiting for me to look at and hundreds of pictures waiting to be sorted and many many many pictures waiting to be blogged.

You'll have to be patient, though, and wait to see the goodness that's coming. Or... maybe I'm just biased. It might be awful. Don't get your hopes up. ;-)

In the meantime, though, Fall feels like a cozy fireplace, glowing sunsets and yellow leaves, hot tea, candlelight, pumpkin soup and herb bread, warm scarves, and new shoes. And, in my universe, it looks something like a historic porch at dusk.

Portrait: Mr. M (and Einstein is brilliant - duh)

I might have lived my entire life hearing about the genius of Albert Einstein, unable to comprehend how one man could accomplish so much, but today I am completely convinced of his superiority in both mind and art.

A photograph never grows old. You and I change, people change all through the months and years, but a photograph always remains the same. How nice to look at a photograph of mother or father taken many years ago. You see them as you remember them. But as people live on, they change completely. That is why I think a photograph can be kind.
--Albert Einstein

He may have been the "father of modern physics" and his accomplishments are described using words I don't even understand , but when he expresses so perfectly the significance of a photograph, well, I can fully acknowledge his wisdom.

So here I did it. I captured a father, a husband, a friend.



Remember how I've said that I love The Moment when I see someone like a picture I've taken? Well, there's another Moment I love: the one where the self-proclaimed unphotogenic model is fully and unbelievably captured for posterity.

When that moment comes, I do a little dance. Squeal. Shriek. Jump up and spin around wildly. Makes everyone around me question my sanity; confirms to them my crazed tendencies.

"Cha-ching!" says I.





These? Definitely a "cha-ching" moment. I got him. Nailed the photo on the head and pounded it in for good measure. The twinkle in his eyes, the laugh lines, the constant tease. But there it is, the love for his family, the kindness to everyone around him. You can even see his hard working abilities, can't you? He is completely at ease with himself and the world around him (especially since he's sitting on a rusty trailer, you know?).

So there it is. A photograph to remember him for ever.

Jenni Marie

And...

Its....

Live!!!

:-)


http://jennimarie.com

My favorite? There isn't one!

If I had to pick only one of my photographs and call it my favorite, which would I pick?

Such an unfair question!

But good food for thought.

Me, Happiest

From Roanoke Jo

This is me. At my happiest.

From Roanoke Jo

Photography and Me

I didn't realize how stifled I am without a camera in my hand.

Two weeks ago, my camera was dropped and almost totaled. My favorite lens is ruined and the shutter-release button is handicapped. (It wasn't working at all until my brother did a procedure in lieu of sending it off for repair.) I'll have to buy a new camera sooner than anticipated, but for those several days when my camera was completely out of commission, I was one unhappy girl.

With a camera, I can see the world. With a camera, I can let others see the beauty I see. With a camera, I can express what I see in a way that words and conversation will not allow. With a camera, I am me.

At least ten years ago I realized that I see life through a lens. Even just driving to church translates into a series of images. Through this journey of photography, I only know how much farther I have left to travel before I can claim to be a photographer; but in the meantime, I live to take pictures.

People may laugh at the shutterbug, the trigger finger. My family may get annoyed at my constant clicking. My friends probably don't understand why I need to be taking pictures all the time. But me? I love photography.

I got a new lens for Christmas and suddenly I can take pictures again. No longer am I handicapped by the lack of control over my aperture and subject, once again I am alive. I can breathe again.

Jennifer the photographer-in-training is back.
World, beware!